Hello

Welcome

This is the diary of a woman who could and did. 


I'm 48 years old and somewhat eccentric. 


This is my view of life, as I see it.

Good Morning

Friday 21st February 2o20

It's been a while since my last entry. I've been in a hormonal dip for much of it. During these times, simply getting out of bed takes all of my energy. Life loses it allure and I retreat somewhere deep inside of myself. And then, without warning the veil lifts and I'm free to live life once again. That's the menopause

Good Morning

Wednesday 29th january

There's only one way to really tackle sigma and that's to share your story, truthfully. Because if not, all we are doing is sharing rhetoric - people relate to people, their struggles, their vulnerability, not idealised words without content. So, I will continue to tell mine.

Good Morning

Saturday 25th january

What if I'm wrong? What if the way I see things is not true? What if it's years of hurt and the ego rising up to protect me, that have created my perspective? Well, that's sad but not the end of the world. But what if I'm right and I did nothing? Well, that is the end of the world for me, so I'm going to keep going.

Good Morning

Thursday 23rd january 2020

I am so sick and tired of people sprouting off about their utopian values and then demonstrating nothing more than self-serving, ego centric focused behaviours - often at the cost of some poor bast•rd who believed them. Just be honest about what your values really are, FFS.

Good Morning

Tuesday 21st January

Maybe I'm depressed, maybe I'm not. It just all feels a bit sh•tty, out of control and bleak right now. You see, I'm grieving for the life I thought I would have at 48 years old - the financial security, the achievements, the purpose. Ultimately, I know this will be a good thing, I just don't know why yet.

Good Morning

Saturday 18th January 2020

I'm the product of a completely f•cked up world. I have a wardrobe bursting with sh•t I don't need, brought to distract myself from sh•t I cannot face. I have no money to buy oil for heating this week, nor pay the football and swimming subs. And I simply cannot hold my sh•t together. Where the f•ck did it all go wrong?

Good Morning

Thursday 16th January 2020

People will disappoint and hurt you. That happens when you trust and love. But hurt can be healed if you look at it, understand it and be kind to it. Hurt cannot be healed if you hide it, blame yourself for it or loose your belief in humanity because of it. Feel the hurt but don't be the hurt.

God Mornng

Tuesday 14th January 2020

The bravest thing I have ever done is allow myself to love and be loved. It's also the most vulnerable place I've ever been. Love can either make you or break you, there is no in between. It broke me once and I thought I would never be brave enough to try again, but I was and I am so very pleased I did. 

Good Morning

Friday 10th January 2020

I've decided that being lost is ok. Because if not, I've got a lot of worrying to do about being lost, which will simply exacerbate the worry about being lost. I just need to get up each day and be the best version of me that I can. And on that basis, I'm sure I won't stay lost for long.